it's good to be back... how many years? did you say five? life is terrible but also very good.

 i've turned 6 cycles of nine years, yes and it's been really turbulent, and yet fulfilling.

the hermitage has been wonderfully quiet
the heart of this space is stillness and silence.

out of the depths

(in my quiet moment just before rush hour...i contemplate on my healing from depression last year...poetry truly heals...here's a short piece from the li'l fat notebook, 02/08/09...


getting out of the depths
is not easy.
but there is always a longing
for the depths
in the human person.


in darkness is beauty...
the darkness somehow is
part of the struggle.
without the darkness
there is no struggle...

i struggle theref0re i am beauty...




to fall is to be human.
to be human is to fall.
falling into the pit
is falling into emptiness-
nothingness...space...


space, where all else can be
nothing
where all else can fall into,
so that in space...
i can be filled...

again...


(photo of the full moon in Sweden from bloggerfriend Christer; and others from friends all over..."gratitude is memory of the heart")

i saw my egret again...

i felt her smile...
i felt she was happy.
yes, she was walking and
occasionally flying low...
but also confused.
something was lost...



there was food, i think
she was pecking
on something i could not identify.
this is the city
and in its midst...
the estero de mendiola
attracts an egret.

i see her almost everyday at about
after 5pm...rush hour becomes
a delight...
i don't know if others have noticed
her beauty.
indeed nature's beauty expressed
in a most pure form.

i texted cielo and she says
it must be an imprint.
must have been a former
nesting place, but alas...
nothing to be found but
murky water, and other
living beings floating...
insect larva, tadpoles...


estuaries are supposed to be places for
mating
and nesting...
but we do have a few of them now...
in the city they have vanished...
gone to make way for high rise structures,
bridges, light rail commuter trains,
highways...
i lament its demise...and
people's disconnection to nature..


and yet i celebrate its "original good"
and the capacity for nature
to heal...to restore its beauty..
i take some time now for
quiet and solitude...time for
reflection...

“I am going to plant a heart in the earth
water it with love from a vein
I am going to praise it with the push of muscle
And care for it in the sound of all dimensions.
I am going to leave a heart in the earth
So it may grow and flower
A heart that throbs with longing
That adores everything green
That will be strength and nourishment for birds
That will be the sap of plants and mountains!”
(Rosario Murillo)


go gently now, my friend...

a peace of life...

each day, going to work, i pass through a little community
of informal settlers...
there are are many of them here in Manila...
this is the life they live.

little children play in the space
that is theirs...milk cans become toy cars,
tattered clothes become kings' and queens'
costumes, sticks become magic wands...
all sorts of ways, they help themselves
all kinds of things they sell...




i occasionally buy their cold drinks...
buko (young coconut) juice, pineapple,
sago and gulaman (a concoction of flavored
gelatin)...my walk invites thirst...and a
little help for the old lady...

life may be tough and difficultbut
there are no beggars
all are working it looks like...
and well-organized.

today they have organized the
basketball team, the skateboard team,
and the volleyball team...there are
sponsors who lent out their balls,
and skateboards...




everyone is busy in this
community.
no one is idle, it looks like...
at the end of the day in the office,
i smell the aroma of garlic and onions
sauteeing in some of the houses...
i wonder what food is cooking...

there is wisdom here...but...
i still wonder at this peace of life...

(thanks to Al, for the "ambulant vendor" photo)

my egret in the midst of rush hour...

it is now almost 5:00 pm and the day at work is almost over...
i got my self a cup of coffee and some bread.
it tasted good. this simplicity of life.
i wish to go simpler everyday. the rush hour
will soon be here. people rush and rush.
i do not, sometimes. i feel some pain in my body
but i think this pain is telling me to rest.
because it is almost 5:00 pm..




i like to go a little early out into
the train station so i can see the lone
egret that takes refuge on one of the
tree canopies beside the open canal.
this canal actually ends into the
Pasig river where it meets the sea at the mouth
of Manila Bay. i think i want to be an egret...




there's not much of students at this time
of the year. all have gone for summer
vacation. my train station is meeting
point for most of students populating
the University Belt of Manila. it is
quiet now, i anticipate it to be.
it is past 5:00pm.
i must go now...to see my egret...